Chapter 8
Somewhere amid all the confusion, I must have lost consciousness because the next thing I knew, I was waking up in Gokou and ChiChi's house. I just let myself lay there, remembering how I had done the same in this very room after Piccolo saved my life. After he spared some of his own lifeforce into me so that I may remain with them in the anime world and not die.
"I wasn't worth it," I mumbled aloud.
"I would not have done it if you hadn't been," was the gruff answer. I opened my eyes and found Piccolo sitting by the bed, looking cramped in the tiny room, relieved, and angry all at the same time.
Emerald swirled up to stare at the ceiling. "Maybe it was a mistake," I said softly.
Silence. Then the swish of white cloth as the Namekian got to his feet. "Do not think me asinine," he barked.
My eyes widened and I quickly sat up, fighting down dizziness. I grasped one of his rough green hands in both of my own. He stopped and looked down at me and I hesitated under that cold gaze.
"Piccolo . . . all I've ever been is self-serving. During the Frieza battle and in riaru and now with Trunks . . . all I've done is save my own worthless hide. I- I've lied and cheated and manipulated all of you. If I could take it back, I'd have told you not to save my life."
I released his hand and slumped over my knees. "I've made such a mess of things, haven't I, Piccolo?" The mattress dipped as he sat down beside me. He seemed to waver, then splayed the long-nailed fingers of one hand across my back and gently pulled me down until my head rested in his lap. I let myself curl up against this rare comforter, listening to his steady breathing and then the rumble in his broad chest as he spoke.
"I would have saved your life even so."
"Thank you," I whispered. "You . . . you knew all alone, didn't you?"
"Only some," he acknowledged. "The conniving Eternal Dragon knew the whole time, so Kami had an inkling that there was more to the picture than you were letting on, kid."
I shifted a little, twining my arms around him as far as they could reach. "He tried to warn me," I said, remembering Kami's last words. "He told me that I had forgotten something and that a purple haze was coming. I thought it was just one big riddle until Trunks appeared. When I saw him . . . Kami, I thought he'd tell Gokou who he was, you'd overhear, and the whole thing would be out. Right now everyone hates me and I don't know what to do! I'm so sorry, Piccolo, I am!"
"I know that and so do the others." Piccolo clasped my shoulders and raised me up to meet his eyes. "But the boy and that damned Prince don't know that and you've got to tell them. Having two emotionally-torn Super Saiyajins running around isn't the best thing for the planet to go through."
I sighed, carefully touching my cheek. "You're right. But I- I need to think for a while. Okay? By myself."
"Sure, kid." He surprised me by wrapping his great arms around me and squeezing lightly. I smiled through glassy eyes as he stood. He paused by the doorway. "You've caused us a hell of a lot of trouble, Ally, and I know for certain that you'll end up causing us more." Those dark eyes softened and the lines of harshness on his face seemed to smooth. Then Piccolo left the room, leaving me alone.
I blinked, confused as to what had just happened, and quickly shrugged it off. I found my shoes on the floor and slipped them on. Not wanting to go downstairs where the others might be, I quietly slipped out the window and plopped to the ground.
I walked forever; I don't know how long. It felt like forever, but then one second can feel like forever once you realized you probably lost everything worth living for. And I had. For one brief moment, I wished I was back in riaru. Safe, normal riaru. I wished none of this insane Dragon Ball Z mess had ever happened.
And then I remembered my daughter's simple question.
"Mama, don't you love Daddy anymore?"
I wanted to lie. But I couldn't. Yes, I still did.
I raised a hand to again touch the place on my cheek where he had hit me, then stared at the second ring on my finger, Vegeta's ring . . . What was I supposed to do now? Go home? I didn't know where my home was anymore.
My eyes blurred beyond seeing anything. I wanted to feel life. I needed to know I was alive! The ankle-deep grass felt warm beneath my bare feet as I stripped off my shoes and long-sleeved shirt. Then I was running through the forest toward nothing. My feet took me where they wanted to go and I just ran, ran for a long time.
Breathing heavily, I stopped just before the edge of a vast cliff. The world spun way too far below. I was standing on the same cliff the Eternal Dragon had set me upon months ago when he had shown me what I'd been given in the anime world. A fierce wind pulled the end of my braid from its confines and sucked the sparkles from my eyes. It tugged on the tanktop and baggy pants I wore as if beckoning to me. I remembered jumping from this very cliff with all the confidence of being caught.
I imaged myself jumping once again, thin air caressing me from all angles. Falling through space. Falling amidst clouds. Falling because no one was there.
I'll always be there when you fall!
Such empty words. Where are you now, Krillin? I wondered.
I sank to the cold stone and buried my face in the rough fabric of my pants. I was such a fool. If what Piccolo had said was true, then the others had already forgiven me. I should be trying to find Trunks and Vegeta.
Vegeta . . .
A sob lynched out of my throat and I wanted to bury myself in misery.
***
"Greetings, Piccolo." The young Namekian smiled warmly, turning to face the former Demon King. Piccolo alighted on the smooth, marble-like flooring and fixed a stony gaze upon the new Kami, Dende.
The small god had arrived just moments after Piccolo and Kami fused, with the help of Gokou, and had been given a briefing on what all happened since Namek. Quite a shock, but Dende had only nodded and, under the guidance of Mr. Popo, went straight to work watching as he should for the past few days.
When Piccolo didn't say anything for a while, Dende clasped his little hands behind his back and peered down at the Earth so very far below. "Quite a surprise, wasn't it?" he inquired, lofty voice aglow with humor. Piccolo only grunted and drew another soft smile from the child. "Ah, Piccolo, it wasn't for me either. I knew, you see, I knew from the very beginning." Dende actually laughed out loud at the startled look on the other Namekian's face. "She told me herself when she was brought to Guru's house way back when on dear planet Namek."
"You know this whole time?" Piccolo restated, the gruffness in his voice sounding his anger. "Why didn't you ever tell us?"
Dende's eyes grew sad. "Ally made me promise not to and can you blame her? The thought that all of this, all of us, are mere animations would seem ludicrous." The child swept a hand through the air, spinning around to indicate their surroundings.
"It is ludicrous," Piccolo grumbled.
"See?" Dende nodded. He walked over to the edge of the Lookout, leaning over a thin rail to stare at the bubbling world below. "Ally was afraid we would not believe her had she said anything. So she kept it all secret, only telling me a fraction of the truth for the sake of someone knowing." He turned up sorrowful eyes. "You know what she told me? She said 'I know more than any of you could imagine.'"
Silence flowed between them, thick and heavy despite the sparse atmosphere. Almost musingly, Dende rested his elbows on the railing and set his chin on upturned palms. "When Trunks appeared, she didn't know how to handle it except to lie. She kept it secret and kept it secret and kept it secret until she couldn't anymore. It was wrong, of course. But, Piccolo, would anyone have actually believe her without proof?"
Cloth rustled as Piccolo crossed muscular arms over his chest and bowed his head. "No," he said at length.
"Exactly. Every future has many different possibilities, and one is not greater than another." Dende's eyes smiled and he let out another tinkling laugh. "But come, Piccolo, there is time for philosophy later. Something interesting is brewing below."
Piccolo snorted. "You are just like Kami was. Spying on people."
"Thank you," the child grinned. "I was actually hoping you would teach me how to be god. I haven't any experience, you see."
The older Namekian cursed under his breath. "I knew this was coming. Fine, fine. I accept. But don't expect me to play nursemaid and end up ruling the world myself."
"Of course not," Dende admonished. "And later I will resurrect the Eternal Dragon as well. For now, though, let us watch the show . . ."
The pair settled in mutual agreement and turned their eyes upon the Earth.
***
I seemed to have risen to my feet without knowing because I found myself peering down at the world so very far below. My fingers were curled up underneath my chin in a silent prayer. It didn't matter. Nothing mattered anymore.
But yet . . . But yet I had to know. Would anyone be there this time? The sky felt like it was gathering around me, building like a song building its climax.
And so I pitched myself from the cliff.
I fell for what seemed like forever. The clouds rushed by me; the air screamed silently by my ears; tears were jerked from my eyes at the growing speed.
One day, woman, I will not catch you.
My braid loosened; the tie broke and layers upon layers of brown silkiness billowed behind me. I watched as the ground sped closer, closer, closer, and closer. The green, green tops of the swaying trees should not have been so near to me. I was falling. Alone. And no one would catch me.
I could pick out the birds in the trees now. The animals crawling on the sharp rocks. I could see them look up and wonder why a stupid human girl was up so far in the air. Still, I fell. And I wept, because the thin air made me.
I threw out my arms and squeezed my eyes shut. I was going to die. I knew it.
I was going to die.
***
I sat up in bed, shoulder-length hair falling across my shoulders in a rush. A light sweat sheen covered my body and caused the pajamas I wore to stick to my skin. Breathing heavily, I swung my legs over the edge of the bed and froze.
And looked around the bedroom.
I stared into the mirror etched on door and clapped a hand over my mouth to stifle the scream.
I shouldn't have been so startled. I mean, it's not like my riaru body was horrifying. A little deficient when compared to my anime form, yes. But not enough to make me panic. What did, however, cause a sudden nausea to overwhelm me was the fact that I was in my old riaru bedroom.
Faintly, I heard a beeping noise coming from behind me. I turned and spied my alarm clock announcing that it was 7:30 am, the time I had always gotten up for school. But that alarm clock hadn't been used in years. My bed hadn't been used in years and yet the rumple mess of sheets spoke differently.
The front of my hair was pulled up into two clips, the way it always had been before. Papers lay scattered on the floor, as they'd been just before Shenlong had whisked me away to anime land. My alarm clock was going off like I still went to school; I silenced it with a slap of my hand.
Then the stack of videos by my television caught my eye. I stepped over to them, running my fingers lightly over the labels intently, searching, praying.
Please, Kami, don't let there be-
My thumb and finger grasped the tape I found and jerked it from underneath the stack. Videos toppled to the ground but I ignored them. I read the label again and again and again, blinking profusely, digging my knuckles into my eyes and then reading again.
Android Saga: episodes 118-121.
This tape shouldn't be here. I shouldn't be here. It was as if nothing had ever changed.
A dream. It had all been a dream.